I met the friendliest cop last night
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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