Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
