**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
