i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
