she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
