Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
