This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
