so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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