Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize