Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
