I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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