Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize