i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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