we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
