my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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