Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
you had me at cake vodka
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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