We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
