the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
