and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize