I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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