there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
