I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
