My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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