we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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