Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
