She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
