You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
