You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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