my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Barsexuality is the new black.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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