My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
