Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
