so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
