Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
