Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
