I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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