Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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