oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
