Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize