I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
