he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
