uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
