You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
