the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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