So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
