He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
