Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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