and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
