real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
