I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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