dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
