smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
