i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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