You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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