I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
