Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
