so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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