I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
This is classic penis vs brain.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
