I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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