Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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