If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
