People with herpes should wear stickers.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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