it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
