We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
