I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
