Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize